Twins, yet another one of Gods hilarious curveballs!
I had just started to put myself back out in the playing fields. It had been a year since I “drugged” the ex (read The Beginning). It was time to be single and mingle. Trust me I got this whole single/mingle down to a f*cking art form. Enter Carmelo No Curls. Carmelo No Curls was Italian, strong, bald, handsome, smoked a lot of weed (420 friendly not passing judgement), and cat lover. Never trust a cat lover, they hang with more pussy then I have girlsfriends. Never the less I put myself out there. Swiping right like a dumba** and boom we match! So like any “southern Belle” I said something along the lines of “hey wanna get a drink?”. Carmelo No Curls of course said “yeah sounds great!”. So we work out the details and meet at a bar. In my mind a bar is always a good place for a first meet. It’s a public place, it’s loud (doesn’t make me sound as loud as I am), and there’s ALCOHOL. Alcohol can either make or break a first date. In my case it just sealed the damn deal.
About 9pm I show up to the Rebel Yell Saloon. I had already had a few drinks and was feeling pretty good. I had my wingman (we will just call him Wimgman) with me for just in case I need a quick getaway. Wingman and I are just shooting the shit and drinking some beers when in walks Carmelo No Curls. He is completely out of place. I walked up and introduced myself. Trying not to stare at his clothes or make things anymore awkward I offer him a drink. So to clear the silence I ask if he can throw darts. Carmelo No Curls turned this friendly dart match into a bet. I never turn down a challenge or a bet. Its game on! Rules were easy best two out three wins. Winner gets to say where the night ends. Well 15 beers later and two out of three dart game that night ended with Carmelo No Curls in my damn bed!
9:30am I wake up and holy hangover batman! WTF happened last night? And holy sh*t balls I’m naked, and holy Mary Mother of God I’m EASY! Everything I said I wasn’t going to do I did. I told myself “No getting drunk, No making bets, and for the love of sweet baby Jesus NO BRINGING CARMELO NO CURLS HOME.”. I did it all. Wam bam and thank you ma’am! Dot dot dot, we went all the way, a homerun for crying out loud. It took most of the day to get my dignity back “who am I kidding it only took about 30 min”.
Fast forward, One night back at Carmelo No Curls apartment I finally met his identical twin brother. To me he was handsome I mean hello they are twins. His brother was always friendly, but had a girlfriend so I just put him to the back of my mind. Kept it friendly, enjoyed some brews with the boys, had good conversation. We became friends.
Meanwhile Carmelo and I share a couple more dates which means drinks and sex. I can keep it plutonic like he wanted. Then he starts to cancel, and cancel, and cancels again. Carmelo No Curls would just say and do just enough to keep you hanging by a thread. Ole No Curls was banging his way up and down highway 45 to every kitty cat that wanted to play. Two could play this game, and by two enter Carmelo No Curls one and only identical Italian twin brother! You read that right. I had a thing for twins! Cant have one why not go for the other? Enter Tony The Skinny Tuna! I Should Have Swiped Left…